It’s normal for siblings to fight, but there are things parents can do to help them get along and support each other.
The first step is to find the source of the conflict. Siblings often clash over sharing things, like favorite toys, limited space, or parents’ attention. You can get ahead of the fight by setting ground rules. For instance, you might trade off who gets to pick what’s on TV or even who gets the last goodnight kiss. Make a schedule, post it somewhere easy to see, and make sure everyone understands the rules.
It might take some time for kids to get used to the system. Parents can help be providing lots of praise whenever kids follow the rules: “Great job giving your brother the soccer ball as soon as your turn was over!” It also helps to ignore whining as much as you can, so that kids don’t learn that complaining gets them attention. Over time, they’ll settle into the rules.
Sometimes the same rules won’t apply to siblings equally — for example, an older child might have a later bedtime. Discussing these differences openly can help kids understand the reasons for rules and accept things that they might initially find unfair. If an older child has more family responsibilities than their younger siblings, check in with them often and make sure they know when to turn to you for support.
Finally, emphasize the positive aspects of having siblings. Look for group activities that can help them bond, and praise them when they work together or treat each other kindly. You can even give them a special privilege to work toward as a team, like a day trip or special meal that they’re all excited about.
